Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
