Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
