I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
