He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
