I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
