Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
