i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
