Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
