I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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