how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
