Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
