I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
