so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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