Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
