my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
