God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
