I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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