tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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