OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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