I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
