I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want her autograph on my taint
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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