glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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