So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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