last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
