I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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