i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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