Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
