Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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