I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
