Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
