hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
