Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
