i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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