have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
