Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
