Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
