How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
