She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
