who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I lost the right to judge tonight
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
