i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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