i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
bring money and cleavage
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
