dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
