Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Boobs are out for the taking
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
