I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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