I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
