he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
