I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
