He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
