Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
