If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
