so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
