you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
