The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
